We were very close friends, and I was secretly in love with him. I think he had feelings for me too, but never acted on them (I am a heavy set woman, and he probably was insecure about being with me). I’ve since had several serious relationships and gotten married, but never stopped dreaming about him.
Most of the dreams are innocent, they aren’t usually sexual at all. We might be holding hands, or just talking.
I’ve tried to stop dreaming about him because it makes me feel weird to be married to one man but to constantly dream about another. I thought that reaching out to him might help. I’ve “friended” him on Facebook, and sent him little notes, and he accepted my friend request, but hasn’t responded to any comments.
Still having the dreams.
My therapist asked me what he represents to me, and I think he represents the perfect man in some ways. He was so thoughtful, sweet, smart, talented and funny.
At this point, though, I just want the dreams to stop. I’ve consciously said aloud, “Stay out of my dreams. I don’t want to dream about you anymore.”
I wake up feeling really frustrated and confused. I doubt that he even thinks about me, since he hasn’t responded to my facebook comments.
How can I stop these dreams, and why have they lasted so long?
Please don't bother to respond if you're going to be flippant or rude.
Thanks!Why do I keep dreaming about the same man? It's been almost 20 years!?
I think that the dreams have lasted so long because you obviously had a big emotional investment in the relationship that went unfulfilled and the love that remains unrequited. Your subconscious (the dream weaver, as it were) is still emotionally invested in this relationship and doesn't acknowledge the reality of your husband, nor the reality that you won't hook up with this high school sweetheart.
So I think because you probably always wondered about what happened to him after high school, as well as the fact that you re-established contact with him on-line, kind of colluded with your subconscious to create this habit of always dreaming about him. The subconscious harbors our unfulfilled fantasies and unexpressed dreams, so while you may have consciously expressed your love for another man and married him, your subconscious is not down with that. It is trying to tell you, or remind you, or perhaps is just stuck in the habit, of trying to motivate you to fulfill your former dreams and fantasies. So I guess you just got in to this habit, and you didn't know how to give up, so the habit got stronger.
As for stopping the dreams, well I guess you could use the classic technique of stopping a nightmare - take control of the dream to change the sequence of events, and wake yourself up out of it. I have never tried this because I always forget about it when I'm dreaming and anyway, I get too in to my dreams to want to wake up voluntarily. But I have heard that if you suffer from recurring nightmares, you can stop them by taking control while dreaming by doing something of your own free will and changing the situation. For example, in recurring nightmares and dreams, the characters normally do the same things at the same times and so the action is predictable. If you wanted to wake up out of that, then you would do something simple that never normally happens during the dream, like opening a window or a door. Look around for a way to get out of the place. Make yourself get up and leave that guy behind. Open the door, or go up the ladder, whatever's there, and leave him behind. If the dream continues after you've done that, walk out of the door or climb out of the window and tell yourself to wake up. Say ';Wake up, [insert your name], wake up now';. Keep trying to make yourself wake up until you actually do. Once you're awake, get up and have some water or something, then go back to sleep. Repeat until the dreams stop. Hopefully leaving him behind in the dreams will make your subconscious get over him.
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