Thursday, October 28, 2010

Help me learn to love the man I am about to marry..... pleeeease!?

I am a 24 year old girl and was with a man for eight years and had two beautiful children with and he ran off and impregnated and married my best friend. it took me three years later to date and I met a single dad who has two kids of his own, we have dated for a year and he has asked me to be his wife. He is handsome, a great father, my kids love him, he works hard, and treats me like a princess. I was very succesful working for four years in a nursing home, but quit so I could take care of his children. I like it, but something feels wrong. it has for six months. I dont feel any spark or passion. I am not in love with him. I like him. and I keep telling myself I will LEARN to love him. but he feels like a friend. even after a year, and we communicate well, he just seems like, a robot, if you will ... please help, he wants me to get sized for the wedding ring today and I am in tears and lost too much weight, I just feel this is all wrong!!!! How can I let my kids and his kids down?Help me learn to love the man I am about to marry..... pleeeease!?
if it doesn't feel right, it's not. it's hard because you want to do what's best for your kids ... which is very noble and unselfsish, but sweetheart, you need to worry more about you. women have this issue with making sure everyone else is happy except them, and it's time for that to change. He can still be in your children's life and you can be in his, but don't marry a man you don't love. My parents married because my mom thought my dad would be so good at raising my sister (from another marriage) and here they are, 20 years later, still married, just friends. I can't count how many things about each other they don't like, but they stayed together because they thought it was right. Give yourself more while you still have a chance. good luck.Help me learn to love the man I am about to marry..... pleeeease!?
Well if you are not in love with him why are you going to marry him? You should take it slow...
holy smokes, i formally object to this marriage. seek counseling NOW; you're doing a bad thing, and you don't want to do bad things, do you? you shouldn't.
A marriage is based on love and trust. If you don't love him, you probably shouldn't marry him.
If you are not in love with him, then maybe you are not ready to marry this guy.
Hon, you are going to have to let someone down. Don't let that someone be you.





How about postponing the whole arrangment. Like tell him he is moving so fast.





Maybe he is not the one. If this is the case then make necessary arrangments to move on and out of his life. IF you are going to do this than do it now. It only gets harder later. Yes, it will be very uncomfortable but sometimes the only way we learn and grow is by going threw these uncomfortable phases in life. Ya know?





May you be blessed in your decisions.:)
You might love him later, but doubtful. If Love was going to happen it would have by now and you can't make yourself love someone, and sooner or later, the kids will realize that you don't, and you will be teaching them to marry without love is ok. I wouldn't do it if I was you. They are downsides, and what happens when the man of your dreams happens along and you are married? And omg, he's got morals and will have nothing to do with a married women? Don't rush into something for just your kids, you got to do it for you too, because you always got to remember your kids are watching and learning from you everyday. They see way more about us and what we are doing than we really want them too.
Don't rush things. If you don't love him then don't screw his life. Just tell him that you need more time. And make up your mind FAST.
You have to do what is right for you, even if it is the hardest thing to do. This is what happens when young girls go from one long term relationship to another, and never give themselves time to be single, explore and see what is really out there - they end committing to someone and then having doubts about it. It is hard to know what your absolute favorite food is, when you've only tasted two dishes, know what I mean? My hunch is that even if you stick with this guy now, these feelings are going to resurface. And, the longer you stay with him, the harder it will be to leave him. The kids will be fine, you just have to explain things to them, or at least try and explain.
Well, let's look at the reasons you don't ';love'; him. Is it maybe fear that he will do to you what your ex did? If it's fear that's motivating you, then you need to have an open and honest discussion with your fiancee. His feelings may be hurt initally, but it's better than going into marriage feeling dead inside. If you think fear is the problem, postpone the marriage and go get some counseling...together.





If fear isn't your reason for not loving him, then you need to end it now. If the love isn't there, it's not going to be. You're not doing your kids any favors by sacrificing your happiness. They will KNOW something is wrong. Eventually you will end up leaving him and a divorce is much harder than doing the right thing now.
dont marry him


you dont love him
well if tyou dont love him why are you marring him? why wont yall take time to actually fall in love
oh girl, i would hate to be in your position right now, could it be because your everday life is routine? You know what i mean? It could be because your bored with your life, i dont know, but i'd wouldnt marry him if i wasnt inlove with him...
Without love and a spark for the person u might not be able to contribute into the success of this relationship. Love and married life's smooth sailing is dependent upon mutual trust and caring. Don't marry this person, though he loves u and he might be a very caring individual.It is difficult for a male to accept someone else's kids, but still he is doing that, boz he loves u. But you don't love him, and by marrying him, you might ruin his wishes and his life.Don't do that to him at all. Just tell me that u don't love him and u don't wanna marry him.
You only marry someone for two reasons. one is because of love, and two is because of other than love. You should always marry a person for reason of love. Otherwise, your marriage is a lifetime personal sacrifice.





There are people i know that marry because of reasons other than love. Some, in the end, really learn to love their partners truly, but most end up in separate ways.





No one can teach you to love another person. It is all up to you after all.





I can see that you are not yet ready to love again, maybe because of your past painful experience. Live and enjoy your life first, then the time will surely come when you will be ready to love again. And when it comes, you will not find any difficulty to love a deserving one. Let your wounds heal first. For the meantime, stay being friend with him and tell him your true feelings for now. Am sure, he will understand and give you your much needed space to heal and think things over. Dont make a major lifetime decision when you are not yet sure nor in a better position to do so.





You are still young, so dont be in a hurry. My prayers for your happiness. Smile.
Don't go into marriage out of guilt for letting someone down. Get some counseling and see if you can find what the problem is. Don't just ignore it.
Sounds to me like you are still grieving for the loss of your first love. Because of the hurt that he caused you, you are afraid of letting down the barriers of intimacy to this new man. You say that he 'is handsome, a great father, my kids love him, he works hard, and treats me like a princess.' but you can't love him. This doesn't make sense to you either. How can it be that he is everything you've always wanted but you don't love him?





When you've loved someone deeply and they abandon you 1. you fear there is something wrong with you 2. you are unlovable 3. everyone else will always abandon you. Your new man to you, must be unlovable or have something wrong with him because he loves you and you know you are unloveable. This is clearly not true.





However, you have given up a good job that was centred on your self-worth, just for you to become a child carer. that isn't what you wanted but I've a feeling it is you who is the automaton at the moment going through the motions of life, so you just agreed to it-maybe you were scared to say no?





What you need to decide is are you ready to make a life long committment to this man? Do you want your relationship to continue? Are you happy? I guess the answer to these is no, yes, no. Which means go and see a therapist and work through your grief so you can enjoy your new love.
If you have any doubts in your mind, stop NOW! You deserve to be sure this is what you want, and he and the kids deserve the same. Comfort is not the same as love
If you don't love him , why the hell do you want to marrie him?Maybe just because the society tells that a woman with two kids has to be married?Think again!
They say you can learn to love... and it's true. But if you're not happy, and the sparks aren't there... maybe you should try to move on. You must also sit back and ask yourself: are you having these doubts because of the bad relationship you had in the past? Don't let your past hold you back. Perhaps you're just scared of being hurt and left once more. If that isn't the case, you need to be honest to him and to yourself. If you're not going to be happy, it's better off for everyone that it ends now. I wish you the best of luck.
If you marry this man you will regret it for life believe me. I at one time was in this same situation the only difference was he didn't have any children I had four by my ex-husband. He was willing to take care of my children and myself without me having to work at all ever and he would have done anything and everything for me, he was one of my brothers best friends the only problem was I didn't like him to date him never mind to love him and marry him. we were great friends and went on dates because my brother asked me to as a favor to see if I would be able to like him more my brother really wanted me to get over my ex-husband as well which wasn't happening at the time. I had to nicely refuse the marriage and tell him that this would never work when we went on dates I made him kiss my cheek goodnight and if I couldn't kiss the man how could i marry him. He didn't speak to me or my brother for over a year after this but we speak now and he is grateful that I told him and didn't marry him he has a new girlfriend who also has children and he is taking it slow with her but at least she can love him better than I ever would have. Be fair to that man he deserves someone who will love and Cherish him with all there heart.
This can be hard I know, but telling him, his kids and your kids now can be better than hurting them later. things like this will blow up in your face and the out come will not be good.
If you don't love him you can't marry him it won't work out and you will be miserable, if you can stay friends so he can still be there for your children and you can be there for his, but either you love someone or you don't, you can't LEARN love.
just postpone the wedding for a while and get to know him better
you should never have to learn to love someone or make yourself love someone. you need to sit down and tell him how you feel and come to some sort or agreement.
JUST BE HONEST WITH HIM
if you are not love with him then pls don't marry with him , think it and then make your step forward.
don't marry someone you don't love.someone will only end up getting hurt in the long run

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