So he tells me that men keep it short when it comes to phone conversations and I reminded him how we used to stay on the phone for hours talking.
He then tells me ';yea but that's different. I was in love with you back then. Right now we're just companions going through life together';..
WTF???
That really surprised me and I'm shocked that he doesn't know the difference between being in love with someone as opposed to only loving them.
He didn't want to talk much about it because it was getting him nowhere.
I thought when two people are in love and are still married and agree to stay married, I would think this is all based on the fact that they're in love with each other.
He kept calling me his companion and I told him to shut the eff up because I'm not a pet, I'm his wife and he should be in love with me.
We've been married almost 4 years this August so its not like we're this old couple.
Any thoughts?My husband said ';I'm not in love with you, we're just companions now';?
Im sorry but that is completely devastating. I wouldnt be able to move past that. You stay in a marriage because you cant imagine your life without the person you are completely devoted to and in love with. If he doesnt love you that way then he needs to be fair to you and let you go find someone who will be head over heels in love with you AND be companions traveling through life together.My husband said ';I'm not in love with you, we're just companions now';?
Wow what a douche, go get a make over dont make him dinner and go out drinking with your friends
He KNOWS The difference, YOU just don't want to accept what he said! HE DOESN'T LOVE YOU ANYMORE he was PRETTY CLEAR on that!
Dont settle for him, you need to find someone that loves you, and will always love you. He doesnt love you and its only be four years :S
I don't think I would have sex with a companion. Let him know that you wouldn't either and I bet that will change his tune pretty quick.
If in fact he is not in love with you any more...then maybe it is time to find you someone that is.
My thought is that your marriage for all intents and purposes is over.
I understand him and see your point.At any rate he should have never said it.
This IS pretty upsetting, but at least he was being honest with you. What you can do, is not be forceful and tell him what he SHOULD do but ask him why he feels this way about your marriage. There are clearly some issues that weren't talked about until now.
Ok, lets break this down into managable pieces:
1. In ANY marriage, there are points where the emotional tide is low. Clearly you're in one of those periods. This may be his way of alerting you to this: ';Honey, I WANT to love you, but I don't know how to FEEL it and I'm not sure how to go about pursing it.';
Which, if this is the case, he's spurring you to take inititive on the emotional health of the marriage (which is not unusual, as men deal primarily with the PHYSICAL aspect of marriage better than the EMOTIONAL side).
2. Companion does not mean ';pet';. It was not an insult, merely an observation. Best friends can be called companions. You wouldn't mind being his best friend would you?
You may have taken an inaccurate impression of a perfectly harmless (if slightly unromatic) description of your relationship. In ';Man-talk';, this one should be taken at face value.
It wasn't an insult.
3. You were putting pressure on him and he clearly didn't like it. You were suggesting:
a) He OUGHT to want to talk endlessly over the phone (which, as you state, isn't our motif).
b) He USED to talk endlessly over the phone (which, admittedly, is part of the courting ritual)
c) He SHOULD want to start doing it again (which, he disagrees....he wants to act like a man now).
This is the final analysis: You BOTH want to feel closer again, and need to take action in order to do so.
So I recommend the following:
A) Start building up his ego. Tell him he's handsome, strong, capable, heroic, loyal, sweet, etc. Give him incentive to start FEELING strongly about the marriage again.
B) Encourage him to take initiative on the PHYSICAL side of the marriage (lots of touching, kissing, sex, etc).
C) Dismiss from yourself the idea that when one or both of you fall out of love...it's a sign that the marriage is over...merely it means that your marriage needs some water and sunlight to reblossom.
Good Luck!
To be honest with you... he does know the difference being in love and just loving... he sounds pretty clear on that one.. and I understand exactly what he is talking about... it doesnt mean that he doesnt want to be with you.... But he certainly is not day dreaming about you anymore... you're his wife now... and unfortunately..4 years is still fairly brand new.... atleast to me it is... My BF and i have been together for that long... its as if.. we were married without the title... But he tells me he still falls in love with me everyday... he gets excited to come home to me.. Yes.. that is when they are still in love... Maybe you both need a little spark and some excitement to keep the fire burning... he sounds bored and sees you as a lifetime partner... not his life time lover... See the difference? I am sorry but its the honest truth..
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