What should i do about this dayum mother in law?

My Mother in law is a super biiiitch. When My husband and I got married, things were very rocky. He was cheating on me with prostitutes and shutting me out. Things were very very rocky. He told his mother that he didnt love me and that he didnt want to marry me. A few months later i found everything out. EVERYTHING. The prostitutes, escorts, porn...EVERYTHING. I almost left him. We got into a huge domestic dispute and I called the police. He grabbed my arms in a big struggle, but he mostly broke things and yelled. But anyway, he told his mother because he got arrested. SHe fuuken said that he was with the whores because he wasn't happy! WTF. So after a good 3,0000 in court fees, + 3,0000 in psychological help + 12 step program, + marriage counseling , A lot of things change. I mean, a good 360. He discovers in counseling that it was that woman's upbringing that got him where he is. She doesnt love him unconditionally, she threatened him once to disown him if he stayed with me, and growing up....his feelings were never validated. He was totally and emotionally shut out. So now I am in a marriage where my husband is really trying to make things work. I mean he is genuinely sorry. HE told her she is not allowed to talk about me anymore...She wont stop. She sais the ugliest things about me to his sister and him. Today when he told her that he didnt mean what he said (that he didnt want to marry me) she said, ';I know when my children are lying, and I dont you dont. ';I dont want to discuss this with you, you never sound like yourself.'; THen she changed the subject. She started talking about the election. Then while he was talking, she hung up on him. He tried to call back, but she shut her phone off.



I do not know what to do. I hate her. I had every reason to leave him. I feel like leaving him and fuuuken dumping him to her house so SHE can make him happy. I feel like I went through serious HELL so I could be treated like I dont matter to him. She calls his work all the time - she wont call my house. I almost want him to ERASE her. SHe hates me for many reasons. I know a bulk of it is because I am of a different race. Our counselor sais that he shouldnt have to stop talking to her. But after the hell I went through....how can I keep loving this man....when I think of his mother and how she thinks that her son is unhappy with me....I want to leave him and LAUGH and tell her to make his azzz happy. So what now?What should i do about this dayum mother in law?
Oh boy...

If he has made a 360 and things besides his mother is 100% better then I would stay with him but definitely speak to him about her... he should have nothing to do with her, he should take your side on this one he knows what she is like...



Good luckWhat should i do about this dayum mother in law?
I know it is difficult but in the end you give your mother-in-law the credibility to hurt you. It is possible to keep your relationship with your husband and not with her if your husband wants this to work. Understanding that asking your husband to break the bond with his mother will be impossible--but not for you.



You are not required to attend events that involve her. You are not required to talk to her or invite her to your home. However, you also can't ask your husband to not go to family events (i.e. Christmas). There has to be compromise to get what you want and what nature calls him to do.



You are right. You had every reason to leave him and you have stuck with it. Getting through this challege with poise will show your true character.



By the way, I went 13 years without having to be involved in my in-laws. So, it is possible!
First thing is you and your husband have to have a knock down all out discussion. Without counselors, with out the mother-in-law and without any pre-made determinations.



Let him know one last time that you love him and appreciate his turn around. Let him know that you will walk to the ends of the earth with him and the edge is getting close sooner than later. Explain to him that you are at a point were he has to make the decision.



At that point the only thing you can do is sit back and see what happens. If the abuse doesn't stop, then you MUST walk away. Continuing to listen to the abuse is only going to make you like your husband less and less. It appears from what you wrote above that this has already started.



So to end it, he has to make a choice and stick to it. It's going to be a hard one but who says life is fair? Good luck.

What decision?



He has to choose between his mom abusing you on a regular basis and loosing you or putting an end to his moms abuse by any means necessary in order to save your marriage.
Your husband has to be the one to address the issue of his mother's behavior. He is only perpetuating the situation by arguing with her and defending himself and what he's said in the past. She needs to receive a very clear message from him. He should set aside a time that the two of them can meet face to face with no distractions. He should tell her that he has worked very hard in therapy to overcome deep rooted issues that have plagued him for years. Through this effort and with the support of his wife he was able to overcome his problems and save his marriage. He should tell her that she doesn't have to like you, but that he does expect her to respect the fact that he loves you and you are his wife. He needs to let her know that if she begins speaking of you in a derogatory manner that the conversation will end... that he will not be a party to it. Then he needs to follow through. If she does things like the hanging up on him bit, he should NEVER call her back to kiss and make up. She needs to realize that her behavior is unacceptable and that he isn't going to apologize to her because she's an @ss. It sounds as if he is still, for whatever reason, seeking her approval. He needs to accept that he may never have it and live his life as he sees fit. Basically, he has to cut the cord.
Congrats to him for working out his problems and realizing what the real problem is.......mommy!!! Congrats to you for sticking with him until his issues were resolved. Congrats in advance to both of you for someone finding a way to look at mommy and telling her in tandam to kiss your butts and move on with your lifes while she stews in her own bigoted misery.
uh, that B*%@ is crazy!

i think that HE is the one you are with not HER and if he can't stand up to her and say this is my girl, you WILL respect her, and i dont wanna hear any lip, then you are beating a dead horse honey. it sounds like hes a mommas boy and has revolved his life around her and now shes pissed bec he talks for himself or she cant control him as much. all mother in laws are meddling believe me, it just depends on the degree. and she sounds like call the law crazy. if he loves you thats all that matters, but if you are not sure and he can't back it up then i would bounce!
This problem sounds too ridiculous to be real.



If it is real....get a divorce and don't get involved with anyone until you get some therapy.



He needs therapy but that's a whole different issue.




Well if he made a complete 360, have you ever considered moving away and changing your numbers? Because it's his mother that's bother you not him. right?

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