Friday, November 19, 2010

My boyfriend cheats on me to punish me. What should I do?

My boyfriend had a rough life growing up, which I'm sure alot of us have, so that is no excuse. His parents were divorced, his mom (gay) and sisters were on drugs and always brushed him to the side. His dad was bitter about his mom leaving him so ignored him alot and allowed his step mother to be physically abusive. He was always ignored his entire life... always pushed away . He never had anyone to talk to when he had a problem so he just kept it to himself and started punishing the people who hurt him without their knowledge. He would find out their one button and when he was upset he would push it sometimes they knew about it and sometimes they didn't. It didn't really matter to him because he got self satisfaction out of it. Now that I have explained a little about his past history I will let you know about our problem.

When I met him I was in a bad relationship. He became my friend and someone I could talk to because we were both going thru similar things. I confided in him alot of things that bother me... such as infidelity, name calling, obsession with sex and abandonment (keep in mind that when I told him these things I didn't know about his problem). He was always kind and gentle to me. He was exactly what I needed so I left my relationship to be with him. We have been together for a while and now I am discovering that he cheats on me... let me explain. When we get in a fight there are three things he will do to me to punish me: he will either leave and not speak to me (abandonment), he will text women or cheat (Infidelity, obsession with sex) or he will call me names. The punishment varies with each person depending on their buttons. He has openly admitted this to me after I pointed out a pattern in his life and he is now aware of it. I know that he is a good man... he just don't know how to face his problems because he was never taught how to. He just pushes them away just like he was pushed away. Granted this is not his excuse because this is something that I see myself. He has never made an excuse for the things he has done... he admits them with shame and resentment for himself. He wants me to help him but I'm not sure that I can because I am the one that he keeps hurting. I love this man more than anything but I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't know if I can help him at the expense of my own heart. What should I do?My boyfriend cheats on me to punish me. What should I do?
Dump him.

They're his problems, if you stay with him, they become your problems

Leave, run, flee........get outta there

LuckMy boyfriend cheats on me to punish me. What should I do?
You and he can try couples counseling. But he has to really want to change for it to work. Otherwise, there is not much hope in my opinion.
just go and find someone else hes doing this cause you let him and there is no loge any more maybe feelings sorry is more for it and i think its done and over move on and leave him.
You cannot fix him, so if you want to stop being ';punished';, then you must get out of this very unhealthy relationship.
ummm well i didnt read it completly buh ur ****** lol
Break up with him, his past is no excuse to act like that towards you. You keep making excuses for him then saying, oh but I know that's no excuse. If you know that, then you know you deserve better.
I understand he might have had a rough life, but that is no excuse to do that. I feel he is using that excuse just to cheat on you and make you feel bad if you leave him because of his ';rough life';. Leave that fool for once, no one deserves to treat anyone the way he has. If you really value yourself as a person, then you will leave that person forever..... nough said.
Sorry, my dear, but he doesn't sound emotionally stable enough to be in a working relationship. Relationships are tough at times, but you can tell a lot about person by how they deal with those issues. Sounds like he needs therapy. I would tell him that he needs to see a counselor or you are gone.
honestly, i think you should just leave him because i think that your just in love with the old him .. and you need to let him go because your hurting yourself. You can only help a person so much , but he needs to try and help himself first.
hmm.. first and foremost.. in your situation.. Id assume you'd want to be told that you should be patient and that in the near future everything will be better..

but to be honest with you.. it seems like your boyfriend is really damaged mentally.. I mean he finds out what hurts people the most and uses that against them.. I think it will take more than a supportive girlfriend to help him.. he needs some Professional help to get through this.. you should try talking to him about that.. it might help him a lot.. and if you really do love him.. then you can offer your support..

but if he's not willing to go through Professional councling then there's nothing you can do.. and he'll keep hurting you.. and it's really up to you to decide wheather or not you want that..

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