My boyfriend is driving me crazy and I don't know what to do?

';When I move in I am going to steal your hot new dresser component'; my boyfriend said to me last night on the phone. He was joking, I was telling him about this hot new dresser I just bought earlier that day at Target. I told him to go ahead and steal it if he wanted to get beat up.





We are both in our early 20's, we met in college, graduated together and started dating shortly after. We have been dating exclusively for 2 years now. I want him to move in with me, he wants to also, but there is something keeping him and I'm not sure what it is or what I can do to accelerate the moving in process. He tells me he needs a better job in the city, right now he's living at home with mommy and daddy delivering pizzas 4 nights a week. He lives about 2 hours away but still manages to come into the city (usually twice a week) to hang out. I feel like if he were seriously in love with me he would do anything to be with me on the regular, like he would feel motivated to get a real job and get his act together. (I think he may have some form of social anxiety that's preventing him from getting a real job, he's super smart and has his degree).





After reading books like ';He's Just Not That Into You'; and ';Why Men Love Bitches'; and ';Attracting and Keeping the Man of Your Dreams'; I feel like he's not living up to what he should be doing if he was really in love with me. I want to start building a life together, we are currently planning a vacation together to the pacific northwest, we have goals and dreams. I don't know why I keep going home to an empty apartment everyday and wishing for a live in companion. I know I am not supposed to be clingy and talk about it, I know the rules, I've read them all, I abide by them for the most part.





What should I do? I feel like there is really nothing I can do, like its far beyond my control, I don't want to offer ultimatums or threaten to leave or anything like that, but I don't want to keep waiting around for him to move in. I feel like I am living my life in angst and part of me is angry with him for leading me on and not giving me a definitive time line or move in date. It upsets me knowing that he feels like its no big deal to keep me waiting around, after I tell him ';I would like to move in'; and ';when are you moving in?'; He thinks its ok to shrug his shoulders and say ';soon.'; When I ask him what soon means, he gets really frustrated and shuts down.





How should I deal with this? Have any of you experienced something like this? What did you do?My boyfriend is driving me crazy and I don't know what to do?
You sound far to needy and clingy to be moving in with anyone. A man cannot and should not be the completion of your life. You need to get a life of your own before you consider tying it to someone else's life. Your pressure is going to drive this man away from you. He is not ready or not wanting you to move in with him and you should be happy that he is not letting you push him into doing it. You sound like you are in need of some therapy because you seem to think that moving in with a man is going to solve your problems. Only if you are a whole and complete person can you have any hope of a lasting relationship. Work on yourself first before you go moving in with a man. He is not there to live up to your expectations. Put down the books and try living a real life. If he is not living up to your expectations perhaps he is not the man for you. Real men live in the real world not in those relationship books that are designed for needy women like you to spend money and make the author rich.My boyfriend is driving me crazy and I don't know what to do?
Honestly... if you want him to move in, and he's holding off and being evasive about it, there's a reason for it. Either he doesn't feel completely ready for that level of commitment, or he doesn't really want to do it and is only saying he will to appease you.
Dear one,





There are red flags all over the place. Please heed them.





First of all, BF is living with mommy and daddy and not really trying to get a better job - if not so he can be closer to you, at least so that his degree doesn't moulder. That smacks of some serious issues beyond your scope to handle.





Second, he's delaying with the word, ';soon.'; That really should be translated as, ';not for a good long while because my life is in too much turmoil so quit pressuring me or it will be 'not in my lifetime' before you can snap your fingers.';





Third, you yourself say that he's not living up to your expectations of how a boyfriend should act. Well, there are two issues there. One is that he isn't living up to expectations. Well, if he isn't living up to expectations, what do you really see in him? Do you see the potential or do you see the convenient man to have around (like a pet or something)? One thing for sure, is you are definitely not seeing the man for who he really is - and maybe that's why he isn't living up to expectations. The other big flag here is that you are listening to a bunch of ';experts'; who have something to say about ';average'; or ';expected'; etc. but how would YOU personally feel if some guy ';scored'; you as a potential person of interest? I bet you would feel really ticked off and get away from him quickly. In other words, you are applying a ';score'; to him as if he were some kind of graded cow or a piece of meat. If you think of relationships as a talley sheet, you're most terribly mistaken. So that's a big red flag on your part.





Bottom line dear one, I think you and he have basically outgrown each other. Why should you hold yourself back waiting for him when there are so many other more exciting men out there wanting a dynamic, professional woman like yourself? So I think you should cool down this relationship and let him deal with his personal issues on his own terms.





Don't go on vacation with him. You'll be unhappy thinking of ';what could be'; and having to deal with ';what really is.';





You are obviously close to him - but do some soul searching and I would bet money you are really not ';in love'; as in the kind of adult love you want from a relationship - with this guy.





Better luck next time.
Suggestions:





He may feel too young for the serious commitment that moving in with you would be. He still wants his independence.





He may not feel that you are ';the one'; and by moving in with you he is sending that message or will end up being stuck with you.





He may see living with you as expenses increasing and it's just so much easier to live with mom and dad where he doesn't have to work very hard and all his income is his to spend as he pleases.








Whatever it is, I wouldn't pressure him or he's going to be in a position he doesn't want to be in and you will be the one living with the consequences of that down the line. All you can do is talk to him, try to figure him out, or establish your own independence or move on. Don't let your world revolve around him, because right now his world is not revolving around you.
Seriously - why do you want him to move in with you? He currently has no way to share rent cost or contribute to living expenses. He probably can barely afford to visit you as it is. How on earth is he able to afford a vacation to the pacific northwest on a part-time pizza delivery job salary?





His life is stuck in a rut, and you are stuck there with him. There is absolutely no way for you to get him out of that rut. As you already know, ultimatums, threats, cajoling...none of that will work in this situation. However, it is up to you whether you sit there with him in that rut or not. Time to open your eyes to who he is now (not 2 years ago) and make your choice.
Why don't you talk to him about it instead of reading stupid books that do a terrible job of speaking for men?