Do I Need to Let Go of The Man I Love?

My freshmen year I was the **** and everybody knew it. All the boys liked me and even some girls I knew. So I had it in my mind that I could have anyone I wanted. Until I got rejected in the ROTC building by this loser who was the sexiest guy I saw. So I started hating him. Later on in the year I found out that he had a girlfriend and she was one of the girls that I knew liked me but I ignored him and his confused little *****. Well it just so happened that there was this designated spot that we called the bandi (an abandoned house) that everyone went to, to smoke weed and have sex. lol Well I was one of the ones that went to smoke unforunately mostly boys went to smoke and if you ever saw a girl she was having sex. So a rumor started circulating that I was freakin.I didnt know about the rumor so kept going. Then one day the boy I hated came and told me that he had to defend me against some boys who were calling me a freak and he seemed to be furious about it all. He said he knew I wasnt like that and that he thought I should know. So after that we became best friends always together and happy...fter school let out in May i ended up losing touch with him until about July. And when I talked to him he told me that he had moved to atlanta and that his girl cheated on him with his best friend so they were over. I told him about my boyfriend and how i liked him alot and we remained friends for about another 4 months. I'd had a crush on him and he had one on me but we were hiding it from each other for respect of our friendship. Then one day me my boyfriend him and his brother along with one of my friends was chilling at my house and he was flirting with my friend. I was with my boyfriend so i tried to hide the fact that i was jealous but it didnt work we all were high and everyone knew i was mad. So about a week after that he called me and asked me if i liked him i said yeah but i was in a relationship. So we remained friends. Things did change though I started spending the night to his house (no sex) and hanging with him more not noticing that i was leaving my man in the dirt. Long story short he kissed me and we had sex the next morning and i left my boyfriend for him. I knew it was wrong but he was sexier more money my bestfriend and he did little sweet things like buying me card for no reason. Shortly after we started dating I moved in with him and his family. his mom and dad have 9 kids so it was fun all the time BUT how many of you know when you move in with someone you find out how and who they REALLY are??? Well out of our 1 year relationship we've stayed together for about 8 months on and off. He ended up cheating on me with his ex (the one who cheated on him) and i caught him actually having sex with someone else but I cheated on him mulitple times also way more then he cheated on me. So i relationship was going on a downfall. Until he went to jail for a warrant he had while he was in atlanta running away from his problems.By the way we live in savannah,anyway things started getting better while he was in jail we made a truce and vowed to be together forever. He got out of jail because i kept calling his judge and they pushed up his court date. After he got out and came home i got paranoid and started doing some true bitching. I guess i was afraid that he had jailhouse blues and was going to cheat on me the moment he got out. When actually he was on his best behavior and all my trippin was for NO REASON. After awhile he started getting tired of me and he broke up with me. I realised what was going on and started trying to make things better but it was kinda too late. He was worn down by me fussing and needed his space. something i wasnt willing to give him. so we kept arguing but kept trying all the days werent bad but most of them were. Siince we were arguing so much i cheated ( this was the second time I cheated sexually) But i was smart about it and didnt admitt it until we were ****** up one day. So he forgave me and said he was willing to try again. Our year anniversary passed Oct 4 and we had fun but since i had hurt him so much anything i do now pissed him off even the itty bitty stuff!! I feel so bad because after he got out of jail he treated me like a queen taking my bitching with no response and giving me everything i wanted. He immediately changed but i didnt. but now we've both gotten saved and are leading better lives im not cheating he's not cheatin and we're working on our relationship. Mostly me trying to fix what i've done to him after our truce. Its really hard because everything i do makes him mad because of the pain i gave him but he still treats me right he's just acting all fragile cuz he's hurt. the reason im on yahoo today is because he has these beautiful hazel green eyes and last night when i looked in them i told him i didnt see his love for me anymore. He said that i had pushed him away and that things (his feelings) arent the same. That hurt me so much but i knew it. EveryDo I Need to Let Go of The Man I Love?
Feel better? you are a sl_t. how about keeping your legs closed?