I'm married, but I keep dreaming of my first love, so many unresolved things, is it ok to contact them?

Well, I am married, but I wouldn't leave my husband, I love him, and he's a great provider and man. However, I keep having dreams about my first love and it's sooo annoying to me. I wake up thinking about him after that. I want to e-mail him, get some things off my chest (it's been 8 years) but I can't let it go completely. I feel like e-mailing him would let me rest easier. You know what I mean? I acted a fool with him, got drunk, obsessed over him, made an @SS of myself more than at any other time in my life. But it was because I was desperately in love with him, in a really unhealthy way. A bad time of my life. But I have always wanted to talk to him about how he left, and he never would. I think with 8 years behind us, some loose connections, I would really like to give him the opportunity to say some things to me as well. I'm tired of dreaming of this guy. I want to really completely move on and not have any more worries about it. Yeah I'm married but I'm human. I love my husbandI'm married, but I keep dreaming of my first love, so many unresolved things, is it ok to contact them?
I feel bad for saying this but I think you're STILL not over your ex. Because if you were you simply wouldn't care about how badly you obsessed over him eight years ago. You wouldn't feel the need to 'rest' because you already would be. You wouldn't care about the unresolved issues and you certainly wouldn't care to give him a chance to talk about something that happened almost a whole decade ago.





Be honest with yourself: If the guy didn't care to talk about the situation then, why should he care to discuss it now?





You needn't have worries about the situation, because it sounds like your ex doesn't. If he had, he would have emailed you himself. I think you're rather attempting to mend your wounded pride, rather than clear up the issues, something that I don't think you'll come by easily, especially after all this time.





The only thing I can see coming from you emailing him is further humiliation and rejection, two horrible feelings you can do without.





The power of moving on comes from our ability of doing it on our own, without seeking a justification for it.





Let bygones be bygones and focus on your marriage instead.I'm married, but I keep dreaming of my first love, so many unresolved things, is it ok to contact them?
You should meet with him, and you will no doubt get the shock of your life. You will find him to be completely unattractive. after time goes by we tend to acentuate the postive things and forget about the negatives. so seeing him, Not sleeping with him, of course, you will probably get over that unfullfilled lingering feeling when faced with the reality of the current ';him';.
you are married but its always good to get some closure. But if you think that one email is going to turn into a million then i would suggest not to email....i mean, you are married and that should have died once you walked down the isle at your wedding. You and your husband have a life together now and it is unfair to him for you to be dreaming of someone in your past.
You have no reason to call him. Stop obsessing over him and move on with your life. If you're truly over it (and you should be; it's been 8 yrs and you're married now) this wouldn't even matter. Chances are he doesn't even want to talk to you...allow yourselves to get on with your separate lives.
You have to contact him, ofcoarse! You always have to tell the other person how you feel, otherwise you'll never know and will always wonder. So let the other person know, contact asap. especially if you cant contain it anymore, now that's unhealthy :-)
o.k. so you contact him and hes like lets get together for a drink or coffee and the next thing you know, you cant stop yourself then you have a bigger problem,, very slippery slope your about to go down.
sounds like you need to call him ASAP, maybe you're meant to be, and it just took a few dreams to realize this. Your husband doesnt need to no either.
I read on google about dreams that the repetitive ones shows up if you haven't resolved the problem. I would contact him to get some closure and then be happy in your marriage.
yeah if only we can turn back time and do things over huh! Well e-mail him it won't hurt to let him know how you feel about everything!
I would let it stay where its at. It is what it is and that's where it should stay.
If you're happy where you are, don't do it. It'll only lead to trouble.
IF you love your husband then you should not have to ask the question...
You need closer go ahead e-mail him...I HOPE THAT ALL YOU NEED. just stay true to your husband......
I think it would be wrong to contact him. And if you do it's bound to cause trouble in your marriage. Dreams are just dreams.
Contact Him and Get it Out of Your System.





CM
If you are sincere about making amends and asking for forgiveness, understand that this should be your only reason for contacting him. I would discuss it with your husband first. Take into consideration that your ex may be re-married. If he's not married or his new wife approves of the meeting, meet in a public place like a resturant. Do not make the meeting more than an hour. Ask your husband maybe to drive you there. Afterwards, return to your husband and explain what transpired. It's not really a good thing done as an email because it's difficult to know your intent. Also it may become drawn out with too many emails back %26amp; forth. Btw, take into consideration that with email, he may become iritated that you contacted him %26amp; his wife may also. Good luck.
I know you probably don't want to do this, but have you talked to your husband about this? You are married now and he needs to know what is going on with you. He should be your best friend along with your husband. Since it has been 8 yrs then it should not be a problem with him either, unless he thinks there could be problems. In that case you don't want problems in your marriage over this. It's just a dream. No it's not wrong to have these questions, or thoughts, but you don't need to do something behind your husbands back. Then you might experience trust issues in your marriage if he finds out and doesn't like it.


Another question you need to ask yourself is ';What happens to your ex's life if you contact him? Is he married and would she care?';


You aren't the only factor in the problem and what ever you do affects others.
Let it go as a mistake. You were much younger back then and now your a changed woman. You do not have to say anything to this man let the past stay in the past. You trying to dig it up will only cause more trouble. If your husband found out he would think that you still have a thing for him. When trying to contact this other guy he will think man she must still want me after all of these years. Let it go.
No, it's not OK. You need to get over it. Seriously. Eight years later and you are still obsessing over this? Holy smokes, girl, THINK about what you're saying here.


Ultimately, it doesn't matter WHY you broke up. All break-ups are for the same reason, and that is that you aren't meant to be together. Period. Nothing else to say. It's OVER. Let it be over. You shouldn't even CARE anymore. Your marriage is going to end if you can't allow yourself to get beyond this. You think that you made an @ss out of yourself eight years ago...what on Earth do you think he's going to think if he starts getting e-mails from you, needing to ';get things off your chest'; about a relationship that ended EIGHT years before? Chances are he'll probably take out a restraining order.





It sounds to me like you have some issues that go FAR beyond needing to ';get some things off your chest';. I would strongly recommend that you get some therapy. Your thoughts are NOT healthy. Not even a little bit.
Why not ask your husband how he feels about you emailing your long lost love? If he thinks it's ok for you to get in touch and say you've been dreaming about him, then go for it.


If you don't have the guts to discuss it with your husband, then you know darn well you shouldn't do it.





Imagine how you'd feel if your husband wanted to get in touch with his former love because he was always dreaming of her. Ok with you?
Gorna agree with violet down there ... tell the hubby how you need closure before proceeding.





Remember that if you get caught corresponding on the sly with the ex it's gonna look bad on you and since you love the hubster - you DON'T want to make him feel threatened.





People can't help what they dream. Dreams are nothing more than our brains dumping out excess info. If the ex is extra info then get closure (with the understanding of your partner) so you can both move forward.





Keep in mind that your ex might not say anything that will satisfy you. You might not hear ';I was desperately in love with you the whole time but I am crazy and regret it.'; Take what he gives you, accept and close communication.
Hi there,


Past should stay in past with all the rights and wrongs.Still if you believe you need a closure than talk to him for one last time.The question is if you can leave it there?Further contacts would cause lots of prbs.and its so unfair to your husband.I'd prefer you just move on and focus to your husband He is the one who made a lifetime commitment with you and he should be your only concern right?Again only you know if one time confession is all you need or not! Good luck:)
I'm currently going through this now, from the opposite side. My wife of 11years has decided that she needs to deal with the dreams shes having of her first love of 17 years ago and decide to stay with me or not! She has decided to do this by not including me and let me tell you, it hurts. She has done the email thing. Because she's being so secretive (her cell phone is now an appendage that is used at odd times and places), my gut tells me she is calling or texting him. Now, to her defense, she could be calling an old girl friend and discussing it, but it doesn't feel that way to me. If that was the case, she should be able to tell me. Show your husband some respect, you owe it to him . Include him. Attend counseling together. Let him help you. I wouldn't be as upset if my wife would have told me how she wants to deal with the situation. I wouldn't have liked it, but I wouldn't be feeling the way I do now. One thing to remember, if you decided to do it without talking to him, and he finds out one way or another, its going to scar your marriage. If you truly love him, and he loves you, you guys can get through it. You run the risk of losing him, your marriage, and your family with him, if you have one.