More just want to vent, hope you dont mind?

It seems no matter how hard my life gets im brought back to what most the people along the way have told me, stop feeling sorry for yourself there are people in this world that have it worse than you, ok so my life has pretty much played out like a dramatic movie, so i will do my best to write this as short as possible, i dont remember a lot about my childhood but what i do remember is my dad and mum always angry and fighting someone was always getting hurt and that was me a lot of the time, but my earliest proper memory i have is when my mum left my dad for the 3rd time it was 2 weeks after my 8th b.day, my dad was off to his usual weekly darts and drinks, i remember begging to go with him but my mum made sure i stayed home about 5 mins after he had left she started running around the house then grabbed 2 garbage bags and gave them to me and my sister told us to put as much stuff in there as possible my sister was 10 and she new what was going on but i was still clueless, my aunty picked us up and drove to her place where there was a present from my grandad who we didnt see very often as he had molested my mum growing up, it was big stuffed gorilla which i kept for 15 yrs as a constant reminder of that night, i assume that my dad was having us watched as a man picked us up and drove us about half hr away and pulled into a shopping centre where we were meet by a lady and drove a further hr to a womens shelter, its funny i dont remember much from my childhood but i detail this entire night. the divorse and custody battle went on for nearly 2 yrs in which time we were sent to phycologists, to a school for mentally disabled as our parents thought we had problems we were soon kicked out as there was nothing wrong with us, we were given our own lawer for kids and made to choose between them, i fought for my dads approval constantly as you do and even though i spent my life terrified of him when they split he started to be nicer to us he was a very clever man and he told us who we had to pick i of course did as i was told but my sister chose our mum, neither of my parents were a good choose to be honest my dad was constantly trying to plot with us how we were going to excape from my mum he would wait down the road from calistanics and tell us to run away and he would meet us i remember asking what if mum sees catches us he replied just kicked the b*tch and run there were many schemes like this one but it was the last one that really broke her he told us when we go back home to mum to trash the house and not stop until she brings us back so being 8 and wanted my dad to love me and my sister just loving to run a muck we did exactly that this went on for 4 hrs b4 she finally cracked dragged us out the house threw us in the car drove us back to our street and my dad saw us at pull round the corner so mum pulled up down the road and told us to get out, as my dad started running down the street she tryed taking off while he was kicking the car, finally the courts decided to give him custody and this was the last time i saw mum for 10 yrs as my dad packed us up in 1 week and moved us to another state, i spent the next 10 yrs dealing with numerous g/fs and 3 that he was engaged to one of which he had a son with when i was 12 and they broke up a month after he was born and this would be the first time he would go to court on molestation charges and accused of raping her i was there when he dragged her off and locked us in the hall way they never asked us and i had blocked it anyway, he was found not guilty and i never saw my brother again, he was then accused again when i was 14 and spent 2 months in jail waiting for his court date only to be found not guilty for a second time. when my sister was 18 and told my dad she had been speaking to our mum and was going to visit her he lost it i always seemed like the older sister as i would protect her i would always jump into the fights when he was going to start hitting to draw his attention away from her and this was no exception i of course jumped in between them and argued with him instead and took the flogging for her yet again. i was not allowed to go out or date but i did have a few at school b/fs and i have been working since i was 14 so i would see them on my breaks but nothing ever lasted more then 2 weeks as you can imagine i always broke it off after that b4 they got sic of it, so finally when i turned 18 i found myself a b/f and moved out had a baby girl at 19 my partner was out nearly every night and was costantly letting me down and lying to me, we had a baby boy when i was 21, at 22 my dad was arrested yet again accused of molesting two sisters that lived round the corner and found not guilty again, i tried my best to support him every time as i was not sure either way, there was never any proof, so when i was 23 i had finally had enough of the constant neglect and abuse from my partner, and kicked my b/f out it was a messy break up and about a month after i brMore just want to vent, hope you dont mind?
Sounds crappy. How old are you now/More just want to vent, hope you dont mind?
I know you needed to vent but maybe you also needed to know that somebody actually ';listened'; to you. Doesn't sound like you had much of that in your life. Yes, I read the whole thing. There really are people that care. Sounds like you had it pretty rough. You're on your own now, and just find a friend first, then maybe you can begin to heal emotionally. It will take time so be kind to yourself.

Maybe it wouldn't hurt to pray a little or find church for a little respite. Love your children enjoy the time with them. May God bless you as you seek for happiness in this life.
WOW where was child protective services when you needed them? I'm glad you aren't repaeting the abuse. Your BF wasn't acting right so you did the right thing and got rid of him. The only thing I can say to you is ';you know what it is like to be put in a bad position by parents. Whatever is wrong between the parents the kids should in NO way be put in the middle. Vent all you want it can help.'; Love your babies and take care of them.



Have you thought about going to a professional for help? I really do not want to bring this up but your dad has been accused many times of sexually molesting children, could there be a reason you do not remember your childhood much? Could you in some way be protecting yourself from remembering things he did to you? Being accused once maybe a false accusation but 3 times? That is a pattern. He got off because there was no solid proof. Not because he didn't do it. He is your father and as a child you want nothing more than his love and approval. Now you are no longer a child and you have your own kids to consider. Get some professional help. God bless you and your kids.
ok, you need to go talk to a counseler because when you run out of space yahoo answers will allow you, then you have ALOT to talk about. Also, just letting you know that it is against community guidelines to get on here and rant, so watch out for people who will report you for it.