How do I tell the man that I love after 10months that he has a deadline?

I went out with this man I dated 15 years ago we were kids back then and now we are adults,the thing is when he asked me out 10 months ago he had his own painting company just starting out by his self,well he was not getting much work then there was nothing,he has not worked in 7 months ,he lives with his dad for free ,he does chores around the house kids stuff,we are 29 he acts like he is a child,just saying he is not working he lives with dad for free and he does nothing all day but stay home in his room play games sleep and pick me up from work I buy his cigarettes and razors because he asked but I can not keep doing this I have three kids that are not his they come first and I want someone that is not going to act like a child and be a man and work hard to find a job.I am so much deeply in love with him we get along awesome together no fights ever well he can be a jerk when he wants to be but 98%of the time we are allover each other stare at each other for hours at a time and just cuddle and enjoy each others presents.He says he loves me and he shows it with Passion but with him not looking out there for a job makes me feel like hes using me maybe he does not love me enough to do that for me.my ? is what would you do? I do not know how to talk to him about this and tell him if he do not get a job its over,it does not feel right to let him go because I do know how hard it is to get a job!I do not know if he would give up on us if I say I want to take a break just to give him a push should I say to him he has a month? I have to do something I had a bad marriage before I went out with him again and I went through mental abuse,I still have not had a chance to heal from that.please think about what if this was you and the one that you love what would you do?How do I tell the man that I love after 10months that he has a deadline?
you're getting older. and you should expect more from this guy. he might be your PROVIDER. and he needs to prove this to you if you're thinking about taking things any further. this isn't about him getting a job, it's about him taking steps, and making some serious effort to show you that he can give you a secure life. if he can't do this at the age of 30, then move on. you don't have time to wait for him to mature over the next 10 years. it's a difficult discussion, and maybe you can put it off for a while, but if marriage ever comes up, then you really need to start considering how practically that is going to work out. he needs a job. you can't live with his father. you can't be the one supporting the family while he acts like a child. when it comes to spending the rest of your life with someone, there are other things that are important that do not involve cuddling on the couch and being in each other's presence. you're going to need to pay taxes, pay for your child's education, hopefully one day own a house.... the list goes on. so be practical with this relationship. it does not sound like he is ready to commit to you financially, and show you that he is able to give you a stable life.



i'm not saying that marriage is about money!!! it's not! you don't need a lot! but what you need is someone who is motivated to provide for you. you want to be with someone who can support himself, and not have to mooch off his parents, because this characteristic says a lot about his motivation level, and your future happiness!



tell him how much you love him and care deeply about him. explain that you're thinking about your future with him, and how it raises questions. of course it's going to blow his ego. he's lying around doing nothing. but remind him that you love him, and that it's for the sake of your relationship! you have your kids to think about. you can't support a fourth child. it's not worth it. think about the health of your kids. you need a guy who can SUPPORT you. you have other things to be worried about -- not just how much you think you love him, but if he can also take on the responsibility of being a provider.



sorry for the long response -- hope it helps! good luck!